Up the Down Slide

It’s hard to believe that I will soon be celebrating my 11th Mother’s Day. The other day, while trying to climb up the slide with my four-year-old in my flip flops and skirt, I was reminded of all the unexpected things that being a mother has taught me.

In honor of all you moms out there, here are just a few bits of hard-earned wisdom (if you can call it that):

1. Children’s games often involve hot lava. I have no idea why.

2. Vomiting in a restaurant doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t finish your meal.

3. Children wake up early on the weekends and sleep in when you are trying to get them to school.

4. Kids never eat their school lunches, no matter how hard you try.

5. Your bed is the most comfortable bed in the house, and everyone knows it and wants a piece of it.

6. By the time you have mastered the latest trend and gotten all the needed supplies (hello, rainbow loom), that trend will be over.

7. Cooking with kids isn’t as fun as everyone says it is. But you still have to try—even when their favorite thing is to crack eggs by squeezing them.

8. If a child dresses himself completely backwards, keep your mouth shut. The child dressed himself—be happy with that.

9. Kids’ movies are better than you remembered. And that Frozen soundtrack rocks.

10. Being a parent volunteer will involve you in projects more complicated than any you will ever take on for work.

11. At some point you have to just trust your nine year old boy is really washing his hair in the shower. And washing his hands after using the bathroom.

12. The bigger hazard of boys in the house is not the toilet seat left up, it’s the toilet seat left down.

13. Don’t ever bother picking your daughter’s clothes out for her the night before.

14. The human bladder can hold pee for a remarkably long period of time.

15. Roly polies are the best pet investment you can make. And the only one your kid will care for himself.

16. Glitter, sticks and some paint are all you need for a good time.

17. Fairies are real.

18. Slip and slides are more about slips than slides. But band-aids cure all, even hurt feelings.

19. Sleep is overrated. And reading is a lost art.

20. Baby books are meant to be finished when the baby is in her 40s.

21. Just when you are ready to go have some fun, someone is going to throw up.

22. If you lie down with your children right before they fall asleep, they will tell you all their secrets.

23. Your kids will never be too old to hold your hand.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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